Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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