where am i from again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
