i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
