Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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