Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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