M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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