nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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