Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need a beard to bite.
I touched a dick in church today
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
