You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my moral compass just broke
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
