We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
