I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
