just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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