You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
