i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
