Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
