you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
