I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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