i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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