Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
