Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
