yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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