therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
