Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
