Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
