Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
