is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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