Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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