What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
