I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Im part way to drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
