My underwear smells like fireworks.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
