i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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