How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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