the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
there was a trapeze. enough said
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
