This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
