he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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