Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
