We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
