I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
