When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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