Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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