So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Boobs are out for the taking
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
