party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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