have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
