he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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