sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
