Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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