I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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