i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
