Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
