I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
