Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
