Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
