ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
