I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
