please come you make the beer taste better
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
