He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
